Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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