she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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