we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize