Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
