It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
