well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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