Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.

Fav 22 3286 1054
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

Fav 30 5531 1827
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(281): View more from Texas

I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.

Fav 8 2668 1137
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!

Fav 8 1123 1731
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all

Fav 6 1036 1899
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(540): View more from Virginia

I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica

Fav 2 2190 736
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

Fav 16 2464 1068
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(203): View more from Connecticut

If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.

Fav 0 146 72
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(386): View more from Florida

Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??

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