what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize