Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
