Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
