I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
