is your mom at the bar?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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