Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
