It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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