Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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