Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
