I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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