i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
