i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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