it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
