The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize