If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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