I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
