Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
