so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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