cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
