Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize