Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
pray to the hookup gods
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
