I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
