YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
