I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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