It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
