my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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