i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
