I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
