I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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