onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
