You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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