the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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