its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
