ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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