Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
