I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm at about main and main street
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
