alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize