So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
