I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
