Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
