my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
