All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
