im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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