i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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