Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Randomize
