Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
