btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
