the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
