his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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