I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
