Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
