I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
