guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
