Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
