A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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