Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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