Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
