i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
