I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
