im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
