mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
