My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
