I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
