My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
