Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
