I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
